How to Write Without Fear of Judgment

How to find your voice beyond society gaze especially while writing love making scenes and erotica is something many writers struggle with. Don’t obsess over how readers might react. When you constantly worry about opinions, your intellect shuts down and your mind becomes restrained from creating authentic situations. Therefore, overcome the fear of being judged by your friends and family because fear means you are close to creating the truth. Safe writing rarely moves anyone, including you !

As a writer, you reveal your intrinsic thoughts through your characters but that should never hold you back from exploring your creative space. Your fear of being judged should not silence your creativity. Every scene requires both action and reaction, the writer must create every move by himself. If you get distracted by what others might think or say about a particular scene, you end up holding yourself back from creating powerful, real life scenarios.

 

But then again, when you write about forbidden love, perspective becomes crucial. You must decide where you stand. Are you for it or against it? Will you challenge society, or will you stand with it? These are valid questions and answering them helps you shape your scenes, deepen character development and determine the ending your story and your protagonist deserves.

 

Last but not the least, remember that you are not the first writer to explore human desires. Many before you have done so with courage and honesty. Think of writers like Kakkanadan, Kamala Das, Taslima Nasrin, Ernest Hemingway and Gabriel García Márquez to name a few. Their work stands as proof that truth in storytelling transcends fear.

Therefore keep writing without inhibitions. Show the world, the courage to create without the inner conflict of being judged.

Conversation between a Mother and a Daughter

Confidence is the most beautiful thing one can possess. I remember this particular conversation I had with my Amma when I was a kid. Usually, we tend to forget more than half of the things said to us at such young age but somehow this memory remains intact. My mother, Mrs. Sreekumary Gopinathan was a voracious reader. She read whatever she could get her hands on. 

One day Amma was reading a women's magazine and I was curious to see what she was reading. I went behind her and peeked over her shoulder. She was reading an article about a very beautiful lady. There were two pictures of her in that article. One was a single image and in the other one, she was walking on a ramp. 

While I was gazing at this person's picture, my mother was observing me. Then she spoke to me in one of those calm affirmative tones, ' See she is also skinny like you.' And I remember thinking 'Oh ya! she is also skinny like me.' I noticed her shoulder bones were also evident in both the pictures. Amma continued, 'She is also dusky like you' My eyes grew wider as I observed her in a new light now. My mother continued, 'She is a supermodel, Look at her walking the ramp; She is Miss India, Madhu Sapre" All of a sudden I felt such pride and confidence in myself. I loved her comparison.  

4 years later Amma passed away but I carried her words of self-affirmation throughout my life. 

Madhu Sapre was Miss India 1992;  I didn't grow up to be Miss India nor a supermodel, but Amma's words always gave me confidence. During my student days, I was super skinny and was dusky but that never bothered me. I never felt I was not enough for myself. 

As a Creative Amma I love the technique she used to build my confidence. If it was a direct pep talk I don't think it would have been this effective. She grabbed the opportunity to influence me about body positivity and self-confidence. The things we say to our kids can construct or destruct them. If a child is struggling with self-confidence one of the best ways to influence them and build their confidence is by giving examples of successful people who are similar to them. 

Do let me know in the comment section below, what are other creative ways you use to talk about body positivity and self-confidence to your child or niece, or nephew.

Light headed

My love for you is so heavy
there are days, I feel so light headed.
Those are days I want to lie down in the middle of the road,
just to look up at the clear sky and fall asleep,

And let me tell you, these are not sad days,
these are days, I feel your love inside me
and you are not around to feel it.

A Daughter's Wish

Looking out of the window
In the Mavelikkara house, there are days I wish
She walked back into our lives,
draped in one of her beautiful sari's,
I see her walking towards me
with that trademark glint in her eyes, gleaming.

She loved to travel,
She dreamt about places to visit;
So looking out of the kitchen window,
washing the dishes there are days I wish
She walked back into our lives
with a suitcase in her hand and
tell us, " I was just away traveling,
seeing the World and now I'm back !

From Pixie to Punk !

I was planning to cut my hair for a really really long time. So when I finally did, I didn’t have any other responds to the shocked friends, other than... ‘because I wanted to.’

I also wanted to challenge my inner self; The desi long hair girl was a disguise, she was missing the pixie and the punk inside her. So I thought it’s high time I brought out my inner real self. Not only my new friends but also my sister’s-in-law were shocked to see me in the new avatar. Some of them asked me whether I cut my hair again or is it an old pic I've uploaded in the FB ? Husband didn’t like it either. Every time we got ready to go out he commented without fail, ‘you look like the aunties from’80’s.’ Which of course I took as a compliment. When his words were not getting the desired effect, he stopped commenting on my hair cut. For me, I am at that point in my life even if I shave off my hair like Tilda Swinton (from Doctor Strange movie) I will still walk on this planet confidently. For me the hair on my head didn’t define my beauty. Every time I looked in the mirror I only saw a strong woman staring back at me. I saw a woman with the ability to smile even at the most difficult times in her life. I felt her kind heart inside me. A heart capable of forgiving even her worst enemies; In her eyes I saw her quest for knowledge and making new friends. These were the things which made her beautiful not her long or short hair. 

My hairstylist too refused to cut my hair that short. According to him, a short haircut won't suit me. But then I told him, there is only one life and too many hairstyles to try and that philosophy got him and he agreed to cut my hair. After cutting my hair he tried to convince me to straighten it. But I refused to do so because I liked my wavy black hair. 

Few years back I took a decision not to straighten my hair anymore. When I looked around, girls with curly hair wished for straight hair and girls with straight silky hair wished for curly /wavy hair. Now that I’m a Mother, I wondered what will I teach my son when he grows up. If I’m not accepting my own body and its features, then one day when he grows up and goes through his teens what will I teach him ! 

I have nothing against styling my hair. For weddings and other events I've smoothed my hair and styled it. But never ever I have gone for a permanent hair straightening in a long time. Because I believe the only trick needed to make a really short hair cut work is confidence and only confidence.

Winter musings !

The forgotten pink crocs are back on my feet,
the ugly green sweater is out of the cupboard,
the cooking oil is frozen and staring back at me,
the soup recipes are all bookmarked,
the hair oil refuses to come out of the bottle,
It's time to chill,
Yes, Winter knows it's time to chill.

Kiss of Life