Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Buddha...
A Buddha statue in Sai Gramam, a 50 acre land at Thonakkal amidst the picturesque surroundings of Pandavamala about 29 kms from Trivandrum City.
Monday, August 17, 2009
He forgets how to Smile
I was looking at the bright crispy white clouds from my flight window with brimmed eyes. Achan was hospitalised with Chronic SubDural Hematoma and nearly 500ml of blood clot needed to be removed from his brain. As I was travelling the surgery was going on in Kerala.
Sitting there, I whisper a prayer to these clouds... whisper a request to Amma whom I was sure is staying somewhere in these clouds, a prayer not to take him away from us. "Thirteen years is really a long period of seperation and surely you are missing him, but we need him," I tell her.
The surgery goes well. Achan does a speedy recovery. Fighting against all the odds he comes back home. But within two weeks he starts showing symptoms of a recurrence. His right eye becomes droopy, he starts dragging his right leg while walking and above all, he forgets how to smile. I could see a smile in his eyes. But his barin cells were not able to command his lips to convey that smile to us. It was heart breaking to see him like that. A man with an amazing sense of humour forgets how to smile!
We rushed him to the hospital and a second surgery was done. But unlike the first time, this time, he recovers slowly.
But when he fell sick and was in the hospital only I realized that... I didn't know how he smiled and I was impatient to see "how he smiled" just to capture it for the rest of my life. Once he was brought back to the room from the ICU, everyday I would request him to give me a smile and I could see my Achan trying so hard to smile. But when I see his eyes gleaming I would stop requesting further.
Even when I was doing normal day today things like going to the hospital canteen, watching tv, speaking on phone to Achan's friends about his health status, feeding him, listening to music..., when Achan didn't smile I felt I was doing something wrong. That's the time I realized, His smile was a surety, it was like a reassurance before doing anything.
I remember how my best friend's eyes become small when she smiles giving her crinkles at the edges of her eyes, the knock out smile of that stranger you saw in the bus stop, even the dimpled smile of Shahruk Khan but I didn't know how my Parent smiled! Days passed by and I waited for him to smile. Everyday morning I will smile at him to see his smile. Finally one day morning he was sitting in his hospital bed when I woke up. I looked at him and... he smiled. He smiled at me. Suddenly everything seemed alright... and I knew every thing else... was going to be alright.
Sitting there, I whisper a prayer to these clouds... whisper a request to Amma whom I was sure is staying somewhere in these clouds, a prayer not to take him away from us. "Thirteen years is really a long period of seperation and surely you are missing him, but we need him," I tell her.
The surgery goes well. Achan does a speedy recovery. Fighting against all the odds he comes back home. But within two weeks he starts showing symptoms of a recurrence. His right eye becomes droopy, he starts dragging his right leg while walking and above all, he forgets how to smile. I could see a smile in his eyes. But his barin cells were not able to command his lips to convey that smile to us. It was heart breaking to see him like that. A man with an amazing sense of humour forgets how to smile!
We rushed him to the hospital and a second surgery was done. But unlike the first time, this time, he recovers slowly.
But when he fell sick and was in the hospital only I realized that... I didn't know how he smiled and I was impatient to see "how he smiled" just to capture it for the rest of my life. Once he was brought back to the room from the ICU, everyday I would request him to give me a smile and I could see my Achan trying so hard to smile. But when I see his eyes gleaming I would stop requesting further.
Even when I was doing normal day today things like going to the hospital canteen, watching tv, speaking on phone to Achan's friends about his health status, feeding him, listening to music..., when Achan didn't smile I felt I was doing something wrong. That's the time I realized, His smile was a surety, it was like a reassurance before doing anything.
I remember how my best friend's eyes become small when she smiles giving her crinkles at the edges of her eyes, the knock out smile of that stranger you saw in the bus stop, even the dimpled smile of Shahruk Khan but I didn't know how my Parent smiled! Days passed by and I waited for him to smile. Everyday morning I will smile at him to see his smile. Finally one day morning he was sitting in his hospital bed when I woke up. I looked at him and... he smiled. He smiled at me. Suddenly everything seemed alright... and I knew every thing else... was going to be alright.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
In Love with you....
It's burning hot...
The pollution sticks on my lipstick...
But they say,
"We'll miss you... Come back soon...,"
every time I say Good bye.........
Then how can I not fall in Love with you.... Chennai.
The pollution sticks on my lipstick...
But they say,
"We'll miss you... Come back soon...,"
every time I say Good bye.........
Then how can I not fall in Love with you.... Chennai.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Stop being so... Typical
The Chennai-Trivandrum mail was waiting impatiently, giving me no time for good byes and sobs. As soon as I jumped into the train, it was already moving. Thanks to the Railway minister’s idea of adding an extra middle berth in all the compartments that the train was really crampy and suffocating!!
My compartment had two Tamilian police officers, (who were going for an All India Police camp in Trivandrum along with their police friends in other compartments) two Malayali men in their early 30's, the TTE and a Marwadi businessman (who looked exactly like the Indian version of the laughing Buddha) The minute I kept my bag on the floor, the police men started their interrogation- "Is this your compartment?" "Do you have a ticket?" "Where to?" etc… etc Once the question answer round was over, I pushed my bag under the lower berth and waited for 9o’ clock to have my dinner and go to sleep. As soon as we reached a station, our Indian laughing Buddha got down the station to get a chips packet. It was really an interesting sight to see the way he was trying to open the chips packet just like an impatient child. Once he succeeded in opening the packet without dropping it all over him, he started relishing one chips after another with his eyes shut; which made it easier for me to stare at him! But the last thing he did before throwing away the cover was the most interesting- he plunge his thumb and point finger deep into the corners of the packet, dug out the last remaining bits of the chips and started sucking his salty spicy fingers to glory. All those women who deprive their husbands from eating potatoe chips and all those daughters who snatch oily food from their fathers hands, and were wondering how the pot belly kept growing…; This is what happens behind your back. This was exactly like the diabetic patients who sneak out to have ladoo and jilebi’s.
It was near 9 o clock by then, the police men started their dinner followed by the Marwadi business man and the two Mallu men. Slowly I also had my dinner and climbed up, folded myself into TWO as I had to fit in the upper (side) berth and went to sleep. But the tube lights near the entrance along with the one on top of my head were determined to not to let me sleep. I could do nothing about the entrance tube light so I looked down under my berth to ask the TTE if he could switch off at least the light on top of my berth. But nobody was there. The thought of climbing down, then again climbing up and folding me into TWO to fit in that berth itself was depressing. So I looked around for a passer by. Then I saw a pair of eyes looking at me and smiling. It was none other than one of the men among the two who were in my compartment. I just looked at him, and gestured "can you please switch off the light" and he ran to my rescue like a true soldier. But when I said thank you he replied, “kaiyil vecho" !! I wondered is it a new version of saying “No mention please” or “Pleasures mine”!!
It is not the first time I’m travelling in Chennai Trivandrum train... so by now I know exactly at what time each station comes. My station will only come by 10 o’clock in the morning. So what I usually do is get up by 9.30, comb my hair, fold my bed sheet, brush my teeth, wash my face, keep my things in my bag, have a cup of tea and wait for a minute... my station arrives. But our kind gentleman who turned the switch off the last night was too kind to bang his hand near my head screaming, “Wake up……………. its your station… you are going to miss it.” I looked at my watch and it was 6 in the morning and being a (proud) Indian, one thing I know for sure is that Indian railway can be 4 hours late to arrive but never 4 hours early to reach! So I covered my face with my bed sheet and went back to sleep. By sharp 9.30 I got down from my berth, where my friendly neighbors were kind enough to welcome me with their gleaming faces. I prayed to the Train Goddess, “to please reach the station in time” by seeing their smile itself. As soon as I got down they asked me "Is this the time for a Malayalee girl to get up in the morning?" For which all I could do was politely, smile. In the morning it was not the police men's turn to interrogate but it was these two gentlemen's. The interview started with, “ What are you doing?”
"I'm working as an Assistant Director in the film industry,” I replied modestly.
“O! Assistant Director in the film industry? Did you learn to fake this modesty by seeing the Super Stars?” they ask me! Before I could answer that one, the other gentleman quickly opens his bag and proudly displays a bunch of pirated Tamil CD’s to me. I looked at the police men sitting in front of me, but they were least bothered. I looked at the men and whispered “Thiruttu CD…”
But before I could even complete my sentence... they cut my sentence saying, “Thiruttu CD O! Don’t show off that you don't know Malayalam."
Which left me wondering what did I say now. Then the man turns to his friend and continues, “Thiruttu CD polum thiruttu!” Then only I realized instead of saying ‘Kalla’ (Malayalam) CD I said Thiruttu (Tamil) CD for the pirated CD’s.
“Paandy naatil poyi thani Paandy aayo?” they ask me. “Look at her nose ring… thani Paandychi” they comment.
Sitting in front of me were two Typical Malayali's who were travelling in a Chennai to
Monday, January 26, 2009
Hug Me, Ma
All the Relatives were there in Grandma's house. On top of that the house was spilling with Guests. It was a festive mood all over and I was running around as a brat, saying back answers to the boys who were there in the guests. I liked one in them in particular, so I fought with him more and tried to provoke his ego; because at 13 that's what you are supposed to do- hide your emotions from the opposite sex.
Amma was busy in the kitchen, preparing lunch with my aunts for the relatives and guests, who kept pouring in. She stops me and asks me to prepare tea for the guests and I know why she asked ME to do it because trust me, I make really good tea. Atleast that's what my friends and all of my fathers friends say.
Everyone starts having their tea and I was waiting for all the guests to praise me with their Wah! Wah's! Suddenly Amma comes from behind me and starts shouting, "One thing I ask you to do and this is how you do it. There is no sugar for the tea !" I look at the guests with shock, who were now frowning at me with the cup of sugar less tea in their hands. I try to explain to Amma that I remember adding sugar. "You would have put sugar enough for only four people." she tells me and puts water to boil for making tea again. Yes, I remember then, that's what happened, but that was the count 1-2-3-4, that's the no. of people I make tea usually for every evening in my house. I was absent minded, but my ego didn't allow me to agree that. But before Amma shouts at me again and makes me cry in front of all these guests, I hug her tight from behind. But I couldn't stop my tears and my ego was too high to let Amma know that she is capable of making me cry. So before her pink blouse got wet with my tears, I quickly opened my eyes...
But there! I was lying in my room with only tears in my eyes- no relatives, no guest and above all... No Amma. As soon as I realized, all that I saw, was a dream, I shut my eyes immediately to go back. This time I was not embarrassed to cry in front of that many people and above all my ego was too small, it didn't matter at all. All that mattered was to go back and feel Her presence, a chance to hug her one more time in my life.
Amma was busy in the kitchen, preparing lunch with my aunts for the relatives and guests, who kept pouring in. She stops me and asks me to prepare tea for the guests and I know why she asked ME to do it because trust me, I make really good tea. Atleast that's what my friends and all of my fathers friends say.
Everyone starts having their tea and I was waiting for all the guests to praise me with their Wah! Wah's! Suddenly Amma comes from behind me and starts shouting, "One thing I ask you to do and this is how you do it. There is no sugar for the tea !" I look at the guests with shock, who were now frowning at me with the cup of sugar less tea in their hands. I try to explain to Amma that I remember adding sugar. "You would have put sugar enough for only four people." she tells me and puts water to boil for making tea again. Yes, I remember then, that's what happened, but that was the count 1-2-3-4, that's the no. of people I make tea usually for every evening in my house. I was absent minded, but my ego didn't allow me to agree that. But before Amma shouts at me again and makes me cry in front of all these guests, I hug her tight from behind. But I couldn't stop my tears and my ego was too high to let Amma know that she is capable of making me cry. So before her pink blouse got wet with my tears, I quickly opened my eyes...
But there! I was lying in my room with only tears in my eyes- no relatives, no guest and above all... No Amma. As soon as I realized, all that I saw, was a dream, I shut my eyes immediately to go back. This time I was not embarrassed to cry in front of that many people and above all my ego was too small, it didn't matter at all. All that mattered was to go back and feel Her presence, a chance to hug her one more time in my life.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Helicopter Shot
It all started with an interview which was going on in the local channels. The interviewee was a new (film) director; So being an aspiring director myself I felt it was my duty to watch this interview !!! He was talking about his 15 core film, which was an interesting thing as being a newcomer, I wondered in awe, how did he manage to convince a producer to invest this much money for his first film! Throughout the interview the director kept on impressing me more; Coming from a non-filmy background the guy succeeded in convincing the Superstar for his first film! But the interviewer didn't seem as impressed as me as he wanted to know how is he going to spend the 15 core. For which our director calmly replied that he was using lots of Helicopter Shots, as it was an action film. That made me wonder who his cinematographer was. Again he would have convinced some big shot cinematographers with his script and stuffs I thought. Because throughout the interview he was telling how much he had worked hard on the Pre- production of the film.
By now the news of this film got flashed in all the (regional) film magazines.
The shooting started, and one of my friend was the assistant cameraman for the film. I called up my best friend, who was again an aspiring director (!) and said, "why don't we go and see the shoot, after all it is happening in our neighbouring town?"
We reached the shooting spot..., chaos every where... but thats how a film unit will be, we told ourselves. Suddenly all went quite, the shot is ready... the director is in his chair, viewing the monitor... then he screams through the microphone, the golden word which he would have been dying to scream out (& definitely rehearsed in front of the mirror too) since the day he dreamt of being a film director- ACTION! The Superstar is motionless... Martin Scorsese once told, 'its not a must to start doing something, every time I call Action!'... but here that was not the reason for the Superstar's motionless reaction. The cinematographer turns to the director and whispers, " you are supposed to give command to the sound and camera first, then only to the artist." Lesson no. 1 drilled in the head, you might think! but the director kept on calling Action first, for every retake.
Finally when the shot is taken, the Superstar comes to the director and asks him, "Son, how many more shots are remaining for me today?" The director takes a seat next to the Superstar and in a very slow pace starts narrating the story. ''No, no no...., interrupts the Superstar, i meant how many shots are remaining for me today?" The director flips through the filed paper in his hand and again continues with the story. The frustrated Superstar without loosing his patience in front of all his fans who have come to have a glance of him, explains to the director calmy, "What is a shot and what is a scene!" Finding the Director getting nervous the Superstar asks him," Then, what pre-prodution did you tell me, you guys did before the shoot??!?" "We finished designing the poster, sir" replies the director very sincerely.
Almost understanding the situation by now, we decided to leave. But we came all this way and leaving without seeing the Helicopter Shot was not right. We caught hold of our assistant cameraman friend, who also joined this film, to be part of the challenging Helicopter shot. As soon as he heard, we are here to see the Helicopter shot he was more than happy to take us to the chopper! I know, I should have read his devilish smile, hiding in the corner of his lips, before he took us to a room... filled with small white balls running on the floors. To our shock, the unit photographer was standing in front of "a Helicopter Cut-out from Thermocol" and taking its Shots! We looked at our friend who has passed our current state of mind long before and by now was at the verge of insanity for joining this work as he suddenly started laughing loudly seeing our expression. Asking him to hang in there, we ran home from there before we lose our sanity!
By now the news of this film got flashed in all the (regional) film magazines.
The shooting started, and one of my friend was the assistant cameraman for the film. I called up my best friend, who was again an aspiring director (!) and said, "why don't we go and see the shoot, after all it is happening in our neighbouring town?"
We reached the shooting spot..., chaos every where... but thats how a film unit will be, we told ourselves. Suddenly all went quite, the shot is ready... the director is in his chair, viewing the monitor... then he screams through the microphone, the golden word which he would have been dying to scream out (& definitely rehearsed in front of the mirror too) since the day he dreamt of being a film director- ACTION! The Superstar is motionless... Martin Scorsese once told, 'its not a must to start doing something, every time I call Action!'... but here that was not the reason for the Superstar's motionless reaction. The cinematographer turns to the director and whispers, " you are supposed to give command to the sound and camera first, then only to the artist." Lesson no. 1 drilled in the head, you might think! but the director kept on calling Action first, for every retake.
Finally when the shot is taken, the Superstar comes to the director and asks him, "Son, how many more shots are remaining for me today?" The director takes a seat next to the Superstar and in a very slow pace starts narrating the story. ''No, no no...., interrupts the Superstar, i meant how many shots are remaining for me today?" The director flips through the filed paper in his hand and again continues with the story. The frustrated Superstar without loosing his patience in front of all his fans who have come to have a glance of him, explains to the director calmy, "What is a shot and what is a scene!" Finding the Director getting nervous the Superstar asks him," Then, what pre-prodution did you tell me, you guys did before the shoot??!?" "We finished designing the poster, sir" replies the director very sincerely.
Almost understanding the situation by now, we decided to leave. But we came all this way and leaving without seeing the Helicopter Shot was not right. We caught hold of our assistant cameraman friend, who also joined this film, to be part of the challenging Helicopter shot. As soon as he heard, we are here to see the Helicopter shot he was more than happy to take us to the chopper! I know, I should have read his devilish smile, hiding in the corner of his lips, before he took us to a room... filled with small white balls running on the floors. To our shock, the unit photographer was standing in front of "a Helicopter Cut-out from Thermocol" and taking its Shots! We looked at our friend who has passed our current state of mind long before and by now was at the verge of insanity for joining this work as he suddenly started laughing loudly seeing our expression. Asking him to hang in there, we ran home from there before we lose our sanity!
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