I was looking at the bright crispy white clouds from my flight window with brimmed eyes. Achan was hospitalised with Chronic SubDural Hematoma and nearly 500ml of blood clot needed to be removed from his brain. As I was travelling the surgery was going on in Kerala.
Sitting there, I whisper a prayer to these clouds... whisper a request to Amma whom I was sure is staying somewhere in these clouds, a prayer not to take him away from us. "Thirteen years is really a long period of seperation and surely you are missing him, but we need him," I tell her.
The surgery goes well. Achan does a speedy recovery. Fighting against all the odds he comes back home. But within two weeks he starts showing symptoms of a recurrence. His right eye becomes droopy, he starts dragging his right leg while walking and above all, he forgets how to smile. I could see a smile in his eyes. But his barin cells were not able to command his lips to convey that smile to us. It was heart breaking to see him like that. A man with an amazing sense of humour forgets how to smile!
We rushed him to the hospital and a second surgery was done. But unlike the first time, this time, he recovers slowly.
But when he fell sick and was in the hospital only I realized that... I didn't know how he smiled and I was impatient to see "how he smiled" just to capture it for the rest of my life. Once he was brought back to the room from the ICU, everyday I would request him to give me a smile and I could see my Achan trying so hard to smile. But when I see his eyes gleaming I would stop requesting further.
Even when I was doing normal day today things like going to the hospital canteen, watching tv, speaking on phone to Achan's friends about his health status, feeding him, listening to music..., when Achan didn't smile I felt I was doing something wrong. That's the time I realized, His smile was a surety, it was like a reassurance before doing anything.
I remember how my best friend's eyes become small when she smiles giving her crinkles at the edges of her eyes, the knock out smile of that stranger you saw in the bus stop, even the dimpled smile of Shahruk Khan but I didn't know how my Parent smiled! Days passed by and I waited for him to smile. Everyday morning I will smile at him to see his smile. Finally one day morning he was sitting in his hospital bed when I woke up. I looked at him and... he smiled. He smiled at me. Suddenly everything seemed alright... and I knew every thing else... was going to be alright.
